10 quotes from The Office that I can relate to….

10 Quotes from The Office that I can relate to….

I love The Office. In an extremely unhealthy – if I could marry an actual show I would – kind of way. I can quote it almost word for word, I fall asleep to it, I never tire of it. Except for the last few seasons, they were utter shit, but ya know what? That said, I’ll still watch those seasons – that’s how much of an addict I am. So I have come to find that there are certain snippets or quotes that I particularly relate to. I don’t work in an office, but I have. My job is not nearly as mundane a mid level paper salesman. But there are just some sentiments that are universal. Here are 10 quotes from this fantabulous show that are nearest and dearest to my heart:

#1“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

– Michael Scott

I swim in these waters ALL THE TIME! Fake it ’til you make it…..wing it….LEROY JENKKKINNSSS! Whatever you want to call it, it’s totally a legit method and works a good portion of the time!

#2 Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

– Michael Scott

Who doesn’t want people to be afraid of how much they love you?

#3“I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.”

Kelly Kapoor

Can I get an AMEN? Seriously, I say ALOT of stuff. I am not afraid to use words. I sprinkle that shit like glitter.

#4 “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

– Kevin Malone

Dream job. With the caveat that the calories don’t stick. And sidenote, Kevin is one of my least favorite characters. But, this is where we find some common ground.

#5“I have a dream, and it’s not some MLK dream of equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.”

— Stanley Hudson

I can respect this wholeheartedly. I love a man (or woman) with a plan. And why not go all out? Hell, shoot yourself into friggin’ space if you want to. It’s worked for Elon Musk right?

#6 – “That’s what she said!”

— Michael Scott

I say this way too much. It is by far my favorite line. I use this at work. I use this at home. Both my 15 year old and my 10 year old use this more than they should. I don’t care – I will always say “that’s what she said”, whenever and wherever it applies, whether it’s appropriate or not.

#7 – “If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I’d ever been here. And I’d forget, too.”

— Ryan Howard

I don’t have an office, therefore, I do’nt have a desk. But I have always said my agency would replace me in a heartbeat and never skip a beat. I’d be dust in the wind, no matter how important I think I am!

#8 – “So this is my life — until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.”

— Jim Halpert

Who hasn’t had this fantasy? Not about Pam. At least I haven’t fantasized about Pam. Jim? Maybe. But I digress – I’m specifically referring to winning the lottery and writing books. I like both of those fantasies.

#9 – “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for…at a dinner party.”

— Pam Beesley

This one touches my soul. You could literally tell me you hate me to my face and I’d be fine with it as long as you provide snacks or possibly a charcuterie board while you are saying it. Don’t withhold food from me…ever.

#10 – “Your body is a temple. You have to respect it. You can’t just whore it out.”

— Angela Martin

I dont often agree with Angela but she’s got a damn good point here.

There you have it. There are so many more but I can absolutely identify with the above listed 10. Even if you don’t like The Office (and if you don’t, you can kindly F off) you may recognize yourself in some of these little quips. I would gladly take a desk in the annex just to be a part of this amazing team. Even if it’s next to Toby.

It’s Christmastime – and I’m ready for some peace…..

It’s Christmastime – and I’m ready for some peace…..

I haven’t written anything on this blog for a very long time. Life constantly gets in the way. I am bombarded with other responsibilities, chores, obligations, that place themselves in my path for which I place so much importance. And rightfully so, don’t get me wrong. But I am exhausted. I fully admit I am about ready to throw in the towel. I have worked so hard for so long with so little reward at times that I am almost at the end of my rope. Don’t get me wrong, I can see the benefits often. I have surrounded myself, purposefully, with the type of people – the type of officers and civilian professionals- whose level of dedication has absolutely no limits. I’ve witnessed amazing things, amazing transformations. This is what keeps me going.

In the last few years of my career, I have really begun to find a niche – one that gives me ideas for my future career – and I have worked extremely hard to perfect it. But it is not an easy road. Far from it. It is difficult; it is unforgiving at times; it offers nothing in return. Still, I pursue it because I have seen the end result in a few select cases and I am given a glimpse of hope. I see those who are suffering greatly – struggling with the strong grasp of mental illness – given a second, third, fourth chance by those they would normally fear. Relationships formed, rapport built – this is what offers a peek into a world that others would not normally see. It is easy to judge or to assume what you don’t understand. I’ve had a first-hand look at the inner workings of some serious shit. Peoples lives turned upside down by their own brains, their own bodies, in a manner that would terrify others. It’s a dark world and I am but a spectator and sometimes a guide. And I am so very tired. But again, I look to the people that I have the chance to help. And I look to the people that are on this journey with me. They give me strength. They stop along the path with me and wait until I am ready to continue. It’s Christmastime and I am ready for some peace. I have no doubt everyone else is ready for some peace too. Take a break and catch your breath. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

10 Steps To De-cluttering Your House-It’s Amazing How Easy It Is!

I am constantly throwing things out. Donating, selling on every online resale page I can join or putting in the trash. I’m a big believer in donating or selling online though. I mean, I paid money for all this crap, why shouldn’t I make some of it back? That’s just good sense!

But the process of deciding is daunting, isn’t it? How do you choose what stays, what goes, what’s sell worthy and what’s trash?

I’ve comprised a list of how to de-clutter your house. Use it, enjoy it or trash it. It may just be one more thing in your inbox that you wish to de-clutter!

  1.  Pick a time when your kids are not hassling you. You need to focus; having your attention divided causes poor judgement on your part! You could throw out that fabulous pair of shoes you never wear, just because your kid can’t find their sippy cup!
  2. Pour a glass of wine.
  3. Pick up every item you are thinking about getting rid of and think back to when you bought it or used it. Start crying over the memories while you take another sip of wine. Put any item you cry over back in your closet or the keep box. You can review that one another day.
  4. Is this item something you plan on making some type of craft with? Have you ever actually made crafts in your life? If the answer is no, throw it out. Nobody wants your sad little wine cork homemade coasters. Speaking of wine corks, that glass of wine you have is not gonna drink itself.
  5. Is the item damaged or stained? Have you EVER tried to get a stain out and been successful? And if it’s damaged and you are not crafty like we determined in #4, then throw it out. Nobody wants your stained, broken stuff!
  6. The exception to the stained rule is t-shirts. I say this, not so you can wear them, but so you can make a super-cool t-shirt quilt with them. Not you, we’ve already established you are not going to make a quilt. But you can pay someone to make it for you!
  7. You are not going to fit in those jeans. I repeat, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FIT IN THOSE JEANS! And they are probably out of style at this point anyway. Let them go. Embrace your curves girl. Or guy. Either way, you can always buy more if you need to.
  8. Ahhh, delicious wine. What wine goes with de-cluttering? Red, white?
  9. You haven’t worn that lipstick, well, ever. And that eye shadow is crusty. Seriously, it is crusted over. Are you actually going to put that on your eye? No, you’re not. Trash.
  10. Why do you have 7 shampoo bottles in your shower? Are you running a halfway house? 4 of them are empty and 4 of them you hate. Get rid of them.

By now you are finished with your wine, possibly opened another bottle and you are surrounded by jeans, old makeup, empty shampoo bottles and wine corks. Now clean all of that mess up and gather your wits about you, your kids are almost home for goodness sakes!

 

(As you can see from my makeup tray, clutter is not foreign to me. Nothing says “police mom” like makeup, Littlest Pet Shop and extra rounds that I found in my pocket after a day on the range.)

10 things I’d rather do than watch the presidential debate….

10.  Find the guy who pantsed  me when I was 7 in front of a bunch of boys and rehash that memory with him. Ah, good times….

9.  Fold my laundry.

8.  Search for bananas that are not bruised in the big cardboard box of bananas at Aldi.

7.  Go to work.

6.  Try to administer medicine, in pill form, to our cat.

5.  Re-string the drawstring in my favorite lounge pants.

4.  Have my period for 2 weeks straight.

3.  Seriously research and answer the age old question: “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

2. Play Barbies with my daughters.

1. A pap smear with a brand new ob/gyn who was last in his class and cranks a bit too hard on the speculum.

There you have it folks. If you are watching the debates, I hope you are enjoying. Frankly, I’ve seen enough traffic accidents and trainwrecks in my job; I’m gonna pass on this one!

I climbed because THEY climbed…

I enjoy a good workout. I especially enjoy one that carries some sort of meaning or significance with it. Almost every year, I participate in the Joey Cushman 5K, which benefits Special Olympics of Texas,  to honor one of our fallen officers. I’ve climbed in the Heroes Memorial Climb in Dallas. So when a co-worker contacted me to try and put together a team to do the 2016 Dallas 9/11 Stair Climb, for the 15th anniversary, there was no way I was turning that down. With little time before registration, I was able to collect a few rookies to join me. Rookies are always ready and willing to join in, they have genuine gusto for anything police related. And they absolutely inspire me. It’s very hard to allow yourself to fail with their eyes on you…so I refuse to do so.

We gathered the morning of Sept 10th, 2016 at the Renaissance Tower in Dallas. The weather was on it’s own path, canceling the opening ceremonies. Still, we had enough of a break to gather out front on the streets of Dallas, for a group photo. And I was in awe. Representatives from Fire, Police and EMS filled the street, each climbing for one of the brave souls who died that day. Brothers and Sisters from all over, each wearing a name tag and a photo of the person they were climbing for. Spectators watched, cheered, waved and shook our hands as we filed in line towards the start. A piece of beam from the Twin Towers was touched by every person participating in the climb and the bag pipes lead us in. The bag pipes get me every time.

Piling into that stairwell, all of these bodies, everybody in full gear. I’m not gonna lie; it was hot and crowded. But the ID hanging from our necks and the name tag stuck to our uniforms represented a person who ran into an even hotter, even more crowded stairwell or building 15 years ago. Those heroes – covered in dust, dirt, sweat, blood – ran into ungodly conditions with absolutely no idea of whether they would exit. So we climb because they climbed. And we encouraged each other, pulled each other up and kept each other going. I can only imagine that each one of those brave souls did the same thing that day. Carrying people out, carrying each other out, cleaning people off and then going back in again. It truly is unreal.

We finished our climb after 110 stories, placing our name tag on the board. The name of the fallen was called and the bell was rung. We were done. We felt good for having done it. We felt tired. Our legs ached, we were drenched with sweat. We laughed and joked with those around us who were stripping off gear just like us.

I was wholeheartedly proud of the crew I was with as well as the strangers, who will always be my brothers and sisters, that joined us that day. I look forward to the climb next year and the year after that and so on. I will climb as long as my body allows it and even a little farther than that. I will climb because they climbed and I am still here to do so.

It’s the least any of us can do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Travelling through the Texas Hill Country -my happy place

At the beginning of August, I was getting a little restless. We’ve enjoyed several vacations this year, some extended and others just a quick jaunt for a long weekend. But all in all, wonderful and memorable. Still, vacations for me include repeated questions and requests (more accurately, demands) from all of my tribe. So while we may be somewhere else, beautiful as it is, I am still focused on entertaining kids and tasked with chores.

And believe me, I’ll take that any day of the week.

But after my hubby took a week-long getaway with his dad – a much-needed catch up opportunity between the two mind you – I was a bit envious of his ability to just pick up and go – no guilt, no worries – and I voiced it.

To which he replied: go for it, take a trip that’s just for you. Enjoy yourself! So I decided to do just that!

I love planning trips. I love finding places to go and researching things to do. I love looking through listings of accommodations. I just love all of it. And I’m good at it. I have found so many wonderful rentals from my hours of perusing websites and the VRBO . We have made some incredible discoveries and now have a long list of places we will return. And the cities and towns we have happened upon have been hidden gems.

So I started my search, which here recently has taken me (and us for that matter) back to the Texas Hill Country. Now, I will admit that when we first moved to Texas, the landscape left me wanting. I come from the land of white sand beaches. Northwest Florida, with its mix of beaches and pine trees, was just fine with me. So to come to Texas, which gave me the heat but not the cool relief of the water, trading the pine trees for mesquite trees; none of this helped. My other love is the Smoky Mountains. Any mountains really, but the Smoky’s are what I am familiar with, having traveled there all of my life. So beach and mountains; needless to say, Texas left me hot and flat. Or did it?

We branched out a bit a few years ago, planning some family vacations that were a little closer to home. We had been to Austin and San Antonio in the past but never ventured too far out into the country side. A few quick trips to Canyon Lake, Lago Vista and Leakey gave us exactly what we needed. It was Leakey, TX that opened up our eyes to the real beauty of the Hill Country. So many welcoming, cozy little towns connected by winding roads – peaks and valleys with lush fields and stony cliffs – that left us breathless after rounding each corner.

Utopia,Medina,Bandera,Vanderpool – tiny towns with much to offer. We fell in love. And it seems most of our future vacation talk centers around these areas. So naturally, when I was looking for somewhere to escape to on my solo woman trip, I immediately thought of the Texas Hill Country.

My planning lead me to Tarpley, TX. One of the places I found for my husband and his father to stay on their journey from Big Bend back to the DFW metroplex was a small cabin in Tarpley. When they arrived home from their trip, they couldn’t compliment the place enough. A quick message to the owner from my husband, and I was ready to reserve it for a couple of nights. But I didn’t want to limit myself to just one place. I had 3 nights away planned and I can tell you it is hard to find a rental property that allows just a one night stay (hotels not included, but I’m not interested in those accommodations for this type of trip). So this brought my search to Boerne, TX.

Boerne gave way to several rentals, one of which seemed perfect for a gal looking for the rustic feel but still with some modern touches, and I found one to match my needs. The hosts were glad to offer a one night minimum for a girl passing through and that location was booked.

The day came for me to leave and I was as giddy as a kid on Christmas Day. Kisses to everyone, kids off to school and I hopped in my truck and left. It only took about an hour for me to start coming into green pastures and just a little farther than that before the hills started to rise up ahead of me. Within a few hours, I was immersed in rolling hills and rocky ridges. By myself, music blaring, little traffic – this was what my vacation was all about!

I arrived in late afternoon at my first destination. Just outside of Tarpley, I rented a one bedroom cabin on a 20 acre property. The owner is a local herbalist and there were natural touches to the property that made it interesting. A compost toilet, an outdoor shower; by the 2nd night stay, I was completely on board with it all. Peace and quiet, except for Roddy, the sweet pup that lives on the property. Star gazing at it’s finest from the roomy deck, a grown up tree house for relaxing and a flowing creek, all to myself.

Cruising the roads that snake through the area, I made a few stops for sightseeing or the occasional indulgence (apple pie a la mode at Lost Maples Cafe in Utopia) and decided to work in a little cardio time. Garner State Park, which has quickly become one of my favorites, is beautiful and offers great hiking trails. I took a shot at Old Baldy and after much sweating in the late August sun and some pretty steep climbs, I made it to the top and was in awe of the view. Before leaving, I couldn’t pass up a quick lunch at the Garner Grill food truck parked at the pavilion in the park.

The next day, I took as much time as I could to enjoy my last moments at the cabin. Having spent 2 days with no TV or WiFi, I had  the chance to read and finish 2 books, and drown myself in music, food and wine! When the hell was I gonna get to do that again anytime soon? I walked the property and soaked in the last little bit of this treasure before packing up and heading out.

With only an hour drive from Tarpley to Boerne, I thought I would do a little more sightseeing to kill time. I made my way in the opposite direction, to Lost Maples State Natural Area

. Almost empty, I felt like I had it all to myself and what a lucky girl I was! This place was stunning. I have no idea what dictates making something a State Park vs a State Natural Area but I didn’t see much of a difference. I checked out the campsites to make a mental note for future trips. I then chose 2 shorter hikes due to time and headed out. I saw no one else on my first hike. Total solitude. Except for the boulder that appeared to be moving as I walked by and heard a clicking sound. Turns out, Daddy Long Legs are extremely noisy in clusters and there had to have been several thousand inhabiting this rock. I sat, fascinating, watching them walking all of each other and hanging off the rock like a furry ball. Mating maybe? I don’t know, but it was pretty amazing.

My second hike was a little longer and I actually came in contact with a handful of people, although only during quick passes on the path. I added this park to the list of “go-to’s” for us. After wrapping up my hike, I started to make my way to Boerne.

Boerne was much bigger than I expected. Not a quaint little town but a thriving area. I found the rental property and was greeted by Rick, one of the owners. Although this property was not secluded, it was still beautiful and serene. My little studio style cabin was rustic, with recycled wood and tin. But ending my trip with pure, unadulterated access to satellite TV was welcomed. I binge watched shows. I put on a robe, kicked my feet up and enjoyed a glass or two of wine. Heaven. Once again, there was an outdoor shower. In fact, the entire bathroom was set up outside. Tastefully done, and I’m not too high maintenance, but I was starting to sense a theme for my solo girl weekend.

A quick zip around the corner to pick up takeout from an Irish Pub, I indulged in greasy food and enjoyed my last evening alone. Once again, in the morning, I made some coffee and lounged around, in no hurry to leave. More binge watching and as the check out time sneaked up on me, I packed my bag and closed the door on my solo gal getaway. As I headed north, the hills began to flatten, although the green pastures stayed with me for a while. And by late afternoon, I pulled back onto I-20, making my way to the grayness of interstates and buildings that surround home.

As soon as the door opened however, 2 little squishy cheeked girls jumped me and 1 larger silver-haired fox greeted me. Ah, home. Til next time Hill Country – we’ll be back!

 

 

 

7e4fcad41d9ee34fdfd50f3fa2d7b800

Pretty positive this is how my husband would describe me!

Today, I enjoy the last day of my 30’s…..

It’s true. This is it. Bye bye 30’s, you were good to me. But we must break up. I’ve moved on, I’ve grown, I’ve matured.

But as a lasting party gift, I am breaking out. Yep, going into my 40’s with a zit. I’m not sure how to view that. Does that mean I’m still young? Or I’m just gonna break out, even when I’m 90? I don’t know. Whatever. I’ll throw some cover up on that shit and move on.

Because that’s what turning 40 is all about. Fuck the little stuff – “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That!” – I’ve got bigger problems to deal with. And I’m married so I’m not looking for a date. He’s smart enough to tell me I’m pretty, even with the big, ugly blemish staring at him.

I am celebrating my last night in my 30’s like any good woman should: at home, in yoga pants, glass of wine in my hand and giving the kids a bath.

Don’t be jealous….

When your kids think you rock – how long does that last???

My kids are still at that age where they think I’m a badass. They brag about me to their friends, they tell me all the time how much they love me – they even call me the strongest woman they know. 

How long can I ride this train? 

It’s gonna come to an end I’m sure. I’m gonna be viewed as the wicked queen at some point. But right now I’m just mommy…who happens to rock! 

I’ll take it. I’ll take all of it for as long as I can. We have two daughters, growing up in a world that is still very much male-dominated. I have flourished in that world, I’m pretty rough and tumble and most of my friends are men. But I have not completely escaped the perverted and creepy grasp of a world that does not always show respect for a population who, not only contributes greatly to the world work force, but births and raises the same little shits that dump on gender equality.

I’ve learned from my own experiences and from much research that more important to their fragile self-esteem, is not my role as much as it is their father’s. For his part, we are on the same page (for god sake’s, he’s married to a police officer and an outspoken one at that; he’s certainly not a misogynist!) and he makes every effort to be the man who says, “don’t look for a man to complete you; find one that isn’t intimidated by your goals.” And the age-old cliché that little girls look for boys like their daddy, seems to be pretty in line with real life. So keep that in mind dads….

One day, I will not be cool. My job will not be cool. I won’t know anything. They will look at me like I have another, very unfashionable and not SnapChat worthy, head growing out of my neck. They will roll their eyes (which the little one is already doing at 5, lord help me) and they will answer everything I ask with “I don’t know” and “nothing”. 

So for now, I will revel in the fact that they think I rock. Because, fuck it, I do rock!